Taking 2010 By Storm

One Year Later...

I had lost 40 pounds the last time I updated this lovely blog. And over the course of the past year I went slightly down and then back up, and up... and up. And one year later I can say that I've managed to keep 25 of those pounds off of my body. Which is not great (I made no forward progress). But it is not bad either (I am not totally back at square one).

There are a lot of things in my life that are constantly in flux (career, friendships, life goals, maturity, Blackbird, etc). And that is fine. Things work out well for a while and then something slips away and you have to work to pick the reins up again. Which is where I feel like I am right now in many respects. But I have found that it is easier to focus on all these different things when I am living healthy. Because my brain is clearer. I feel more focused and motivated. I'm not worried about why my clothes don't fit.

For the past year I've felt (very irrationally) afraid that if I wasn't careful I would let my healthy lifestyle take over my life. Having a full time job doesn't leave a lot of free time and it is a bit overwhelming to use up your free time at the gym. And looking back on the past year I've realized that I've spent even more time feeling afraid that I have no control over myself and a general sadness about being unhealthy. And if I have to fear losing my free time to being healthy so that I don't have to fear dying because I'm unhealthy - well, that seems like a good trade to me.

All these things boiled down add up to many reasons why it is a great time to get healthy. And here are some more...

I feel less stressed when I exercise on a regular basis.

Dairy makes me feel sick. I don't want to eat it anymore.

I want to fit into smaller clothing and not have to worry about my pants fitting in the morning.

I want to feel like I am in control of my feelings - and this means controlling emotional eating.

What does this mean? I'm going to be harder on myself because this time I mean business. My friend Holly talks about "tough love," and quite frankly this is exactly the mind set I have to take. To see results I need to make changes and I need to make them now. I need to take myself seriously.

So. Lifestyle change. Here is the plan....

1. Eat a variety of 7 healthy foods per day. I was doing this in September and October and it felt great. The categories/foods are: Beans, Nuts, Berries, Oats/Whole Grains, Spinach, Yogurt, and veggies. I do count spinach and veggies as separate categories, as while spinach is a powerful food I don't want it to be the only vegetable I eat per day. Getting nuts and beans in every day can be difficult, so instead I may have two servings of berries, etc. But the goal will be to get in 7 different types of these very healthy foods.

2. Go to the gym 5 x per week. This is something Dan and I have been trying to do and I know the hold up is me. I can find an excuse at least once per week as to why we shouldn't go. I am my own worst enemy in this situation, especially when I have a lovely husband who will go to the gym with me. So.

3. Goodbye dairy and splenda. I am not ready to say goodbye %100 to fried foods and pastries - especially when I know how to count them (points wise) and I don't eat them very often. And limiting too many things will make this feel like a diet, which I absolutely do not want. But I gorge on dairy on the weekends and it makes me feel sick every time. I can't control myself with it, so it's time to get rid of it. And as for splenda - I keep hearing horrible things about sweeteners from the doctors at the hospital. I would like to try and cut it out. And thinking about it - I put it in my coffee, I have at least one diet soda per day, and it sweetens the lemonade that Dan and I drink. I just use way too much of it. The hardest part of this will definitely be the lemonade, as it is what I drink at home, but...

4. Drink more water. This was one of the few goals I made when I started dieting that I have really stuck with. I have found that while I drink a lot of water at work, however, I barely drink any water when I am at home. So I am going to replace my lemonade drinking with good old fashioned water. Sounds boring. Probably will be boring. But also better for me in the long run.

The best laid plans of mice and men.

I had a great week... and then we hit tech. And let me tell you, tech was DISASTEROUS. Not in terms of actual tech, just in terms of eating and exercising and even getting sleep. And then opening happened and I had a lot of people in town.... fast forward to this Tuesday when I was finally able to make a good decision and not over eat.

I'm scared to go back to weight watchers, but i have to. This would be a vicious cycle to get into. So I had a bad week, a good week, and then a bad week. Whatever. I can get started again. I'm already back to healthy breakfasts and lunches.

So here is the plan... wii fit on Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday (Thursday and Fridays are work days and show days and too busy right now). I also just need to go back to the same eating plan I've been following and I will be fine. I feel the motivation, I'm getting married in less than 5 months! I can do it.

a response to my last blog

So I made a perfectly good plan two weeks ago. We all know how it goes when you make plans...

Listen. I did really good the Thursday, Friday and Saturday before Christmas. I counted points, I exercised on Friday. I took it seriously.

Sunday and Monday were okay. I had small breakfasts and no lunch so that I could be prepared for whatever my guests wanted to eat for dinner. We also did some serious walking on Monday, which helped I'm sure. But both Sunday and Monday nights I gorged myself on pizza, mozzerella sticks and chicken fingers. Granted, it all tasted amazing and I didn't regret it at all. It was just way off the diet scale, so to speak.

Tuesday - Saturday were, well days off from the diet. When I could make a good choice I did, but for the most part I ate whatever I wanted. And it was fun, but by the end of it I felt tired, bloated and generally unhappy with myself. I did less than perfect, I did pretty bad.

but oh well. I said it'd be okay to go a little crazy. I went a lot crazy, but at least I know how to get back on the plan. Saturday I exercised for 30 minutes. Yesterday I stayed well within my points range and I also exercised for a full hour. It felt really good.

So I have been back on for a little over a day and already my head feels clearer and my pants feel a little less tight. I am in love with my wii fit. It is something that I can do whenever I want to, like tonight after rehearsal, for example.

Life is happy. I've got goals, man.

Inspi(red)

I lost 2.2 pounds this week, which brings me to a grand total of 41.6! Woo hoo! I wanted to be over 40 by Christmas, so check that off my goal list baby!

I talked to Peter after the meeting, because the topic was the holidays and I feel like I'm in a pickle. Here's the situation... I've got dear friends in town for two days, so lots of eating out. And that is directly followed by three days of holiday parties (one at the mother in law's house, one at the father in law's house, and one at my Dads). And since we are staying with each of these people, we are having three meals a day with them. So that's five days of questionable eating situations.

So Peter listened and then said the following, "Life happens. This is a lifestyle change, not a diet. Make smart choices, but honestly, if I were you I'd make it a goal to work out every day this week. It will help you clear your head and you'll earn activity points. That way if you want to celebrate and eat what is provided, you don't have to feel as bad about it."

I started today with a 30 minute walk on my lunch break. I took the stairs up to the garden conservatory and back down, then I took the stairs up to the Winter Wonderland Festival and back down. And when I got back to the office I took the five flights of stairs up to my floor. And I felt good and it's helped me consume much less chocolate than I would have today (we received five big boxes of Hershey's). I'm also planning on lifting weights tonight before bed, going for a walk after rehearsal tomorrow, and lifting weights Sunday morning. Then on Monday Annie, Nick and I will be doing a lot of walking anyway. Tuesday will be hard as it's our travel day, but I will make an effort to take the dogs for a long walk. Then Wednesday, Thursday and Friday I just need to escape our families houses to take the dogs for a 30 minute walk each day. And boom! End of the holidays and lots of exercise. Even if I eat poorly, it will help even out my bad choices. I like Peter.

Upon which I fall down and embarrass myself publicly.

Let's be clear here. I am rarely embarrassed in public. And I do a lot of stupid things. All the time. Things that I'm sure embarrass Dan. Things that I KNOW embarrass my family. But I am pretty confident in who I am and I don't care what people think.

So here is the scene. I am at the corner of Clark and Diversy, which is a highly traversed area of town. I am out marketing. I think I will be sly and run through the stalled traffic to put up a flyer at Jamba Juice. So I am speed walking. Not running, just hustling. And all the sudden I fall - FACE FORWARD into the street. Like, where the cars are rolling. Not in the walking intersection. In the jay walking portion of the road, people. And instead of landing flat on my face, I put out ONE KNEE. Not two, one. You know, so the impact will be greater. The impact is so great, so jarring I guess you could say, that I let myself fall all the way forward. And then I feel the urge to vomit hit. And I am scared of vomiting in public. So I lay on my stomach. On the ground. In the road. In front of the bus stop. Which had about 12 people standing at it. Not to mention all the cars that are now stalled in traffic because I am LAYING IN THE ROAD. 

After about thirty seconds a nice looking man walks over to see if I'm okay, because I'm not moving. And I get up on my own, suppressing the urge to cry and vomit. And then I find my marketing buddies and I suppress the urge to cry. They however, god bless them, do not suppress the urge to let alcohol solve all my problems.

So my knee is swollen, bruised and my pride has taken a plunge. Such is life.

On the plus side I lost 1.2 pounds at Weight Watchers last week, which puts me at 39.4 pounds. I am very close to 40 now and it feels so good. I really wanted to be there before Christmas so that I could use it as motivation. And so far it is working. I have been eating really well and getting in more exercise. Friday night Dan and I went walking all over town marketing, Saturday I spent the entire day shopping (it counts) and today I got in some weight lifting and some walking before I fell over and hurt myself. Sigh.

Tomorrow I need to make it the bank, grocery shopping, I need to pick up the last costume piece, and I also want to do some serious marketing. I hope that my knee allows these plans to happen. It's also the plan to market on Wednesday, so that's another day of exercise. I want to start trying to take a 30 minute walk over my lunch break when I'm at CST, but that's easier said than done when your boss is crazy. 

I can't believe that Christmas is coming so quickly. We're going to Zoo Lights Friday, Annie is coming in  Sunday, we're taking her to Christkindlemart next Monday, and then we're driving home next Tuesday! I mean, a lot of rehearsal falls in there, and I think a Blackbird meeting too. So it will go even faster than I expect it to. 

I still sort of feel like I'm going to throw up. I've never had falling down do that to me before. I want to go to sleep but I've been having a hard time falling asleep lately. I think a part of it is excitement every night after rehearsal. And maybe a little nerves too. I have to get it under control. It's starting to get bad, running on so little sleep.

Let's get down and dirty.

So I haven't blogged in a while - mostly because I've been a bit down in the dumps. I haven't been off my diet by any means, but I've been having a little trouble. The main factors getting in my way are lack of time and poor planning on my part. But I can fix that. And damn, I am going to try. 

Because I want to lose 50 pounds by the end of the show. And I want to lose 75 pounds by my wedding. Not impossible. Even if I gained a little this week (the weigh in is on Thursday) - it'll be a goal of losing between 12 to 15 pounds in 7 weeks. And a goal of losing 25 more pounds over 4 months. See? Totally possible. Both goals would have me losing less than 10 pounds a month. Doable. I repeat. Doable.

So how am I going to help myself? First, PLANNING! I need to plan out every second of my life right now, because I am fucking busy! That's okay too, I just need to recognize it for what it is and move forward.

1. I only have time to work out 4 days a week at this point. And that's okay. So on Mondays, Wednesdays, Saturdays and Sundays I need to go for a 30 minute walk. And on three of those days I also need to lift weights. Simple. Easy. DONE.

2. I need to start planning what my meals will be on the nights or weekends when I have rehearsal, especially if I'm running from one place to the other. Eating at Subway is fine most of the time, but I need to have snacks in my bag so I'm not tempted by evil Charmers baked goods and things of that nature.

3. I need to start planning how I'm going to handle winter break... because we'll be in Ohio from Tuesday night to Saturday morning and I will not be preparing the food that I eat over that whole weekend. Dan and I will be talking about this, because I think he'll be able to help me figure out a game plan.

4. Once the show opens, I'll be working at Chicago Shakes full time again until February and I will effectively lose my time on Mondays and Wednesdays to work out. So the week before this happens I need to start thinking about what sort of activity I will be adding in on those days... a work out after work on Mondays and Wednesdays? Sounds possible, I suppose.

That's all for now. Planning is all I really need. I'm busy and I need to be prepared. So that's what I'm going to do. 

Sigh. Sounds easier than it will be, I'm sure.

back in the saddle

I can't remember if I blogged about it or not, but I lost 1.4 pounds the week before Thanksgiving. And this week I maintained, which I am both shocked and surprised over. Having the flu probably helped, seeing as how I stuffed my face over the holidays. Suffice it to say I'm going to be planning better for Christmas. You better believe it!