So you say you want a resolution...

It has been a long while since I've thought about blogging. A few reasons:

1. My dearest of friends, Mr. Brian Ness, gave me a perpetual journal/calendar/box of good things. I update it daily. Although it's just a sentence per day, it contains wonders.

2. I have started carrying a notebook again, for all my reflecting/doodling/list building needs. It fills me up.

3. I have had a mixture of absolutely nothing to talk about and things that I want to say that are so huge I don't know how to contain them.

4. I track what I eat each day in a thingy (app?) on my fancy phone. Alas, what I eat today blogs now seem even more meaningless.

All this being said (my husband claims this is my favorite phrase), I miss the blog-o-sphere. I liked the idea of an online trail of breadcrumbs that led to better self awareness.

So here are some things.

I am tired of resolutions. If January is an example of things to come, then I can say without a doubt that THINGS CHANGE quickly and unexpectedly. Making a list in January that is for the whole year just doesn't work for me anymore. So instead of yearly resolutions, I'm making monthly goals. Each month I'll assess and adjust.

Here are my goals for February:

1. Stop using the words "exercise" and "workout." These words imply to me that won't enjoy the activity. Instead, this month I want to dance with Dan, stroll with friends, and to play with the dogs. I want to jump in the snow and stretch in the morning and just before bed. I want to feel strong.

2. Stop using the word "diet." I make constant attempts to do this but it never sticks. This month I want to focus on making healthy choices. Less cheese, less meat, less snacks, more tea, and more veggies. I can say I am content with the amount of fruit I eat (yay)!

That's it. Play more and focus on making healthier choices.

Other things:

I have been applying for jobs, grad school, and any other opportunity that strikes my fancy. Nothing to lose, lots to gain. I'm currently playing the waiting game and trying not to let it get the better of me.

I am very excited to say that husband and I were recently made godparents to some very awesome babies. It feels really good to be loved and trusted enough to be asked to take on this responsibility. We spent our weekends in January helping out the family and it was the most fun I've had in a long time. We feel good that we can sort of fit into their routine. It warms the heart to take a seat (and a baby) and quietly spend an afternoon. Husband and I seem to have mutually caught the baby bug even more so than before. I think we would start working on making babies right now if it weren't for a few pesky factors in the way. Seeing my husband caring for the babies makes me even more excited (if that's possible) that I married him. He's a natural. Favorite baby moments- anytime a baby farts, Dan singing No One is Alone, Dan and I singing a Beatles/ Ben Folds medley, and babies curling up against my shoulder.

More on the couple front- Last week we saw Les Miserables. It's in his top three of beloved musicals (the others being RENT and Jesus Christ Superstar). It tickles me to think these choices stem from a love of historical storytelling, a love of classic rock, and that he identified (and even dressed) like Mark in high school. The show was excellent and we were both giddy and wide eyed by the end. Next month he is taking me to one of my favorite musicals - HAIR (others being Godspell and Wild Party).

Other news- I'm traveling to Minneapolis next weekend for a play date with the darling Brian. I'll be staying at his new house and planned activities include antiquing, drinking around his dinner table, and just enjoying each other's company.

I have a stellar idea for a new blog. I've been kicking it around for a few month, rolling it over and seeing whether it's something I'd want to actually commit to. If I do it, it'd involve traipsing about the city/state/country to collect stories. I think doing it depends on whether or not I get into grad school/get a new job/move. If I don't get any of these things, then the new blog will definitely take off.

On the work/school front- This month has dumped a lot on my plate and I am trying to keep my head above water. Thankfully I have supportive friends who see me through- who are even picking me up from my test this weekend for a "detox" car ride.

Okay. This is longer than I intended. I don't know how long I'll keep it up. I miss my online community- specifically the sweet Aileen who always has helpful things to say.

Let's set some dates...

I've been thinking a lot about "progress" dates for this year and next. What I mean by that is that there are several holidays and events coming up that I want to use also as moments to really stop and look at what I've lost and feel accomplished. I haven't set weight goals for them yet, but as they come I'm sure I will be able to focus on what my needs for each one will be. They cover almost exactly one year. I haven't been able to think of any goal dates between February and July, though. I could set valentine's day, st. patrick's day and easter, but they seem sort of silly to me. Ah well.

Oct. 9 - Disney Drip!
Nov. 27 - Thanksgiving!
Dec. 25 - Christmas!
Jan. 9 - ITP Opening!
Aug. 1 - My birthday!
Aug. 16 - 4th show Opening!
Oct. 10 - Bernadette and Remy's Wedding!

Theatre Chairs

Dan and I went to see Torch Song Trilogy this afternoon. It was good, but it was three hours long and the chairs were SO UNCOMFORTABLE. As a result, my neck and shoulders are killing me. It was nice to see Evan and Ryan, though. Ryan always makes me cry onstage and today was no exception. He is a very powerful performer. The women in the show were also pretty incredible and I'd be interested to see them read for our future shows.

Dan and I did 45 minute walks on Friday and Saturday. No exercise today, though. I was going to walk after the show, but the chairs dashed all hopes of that. I have taken three advil, drank a large amount of caffeine, and even put icy hot on it to no avail. I should have gone to a chiropractor when I first hurt my back, but I had to be impatient about it (as I am about most things). oh well. I guess you reap what you sow. I am going to do a long day of exercise tomorrow (since it is my day off) to make up for it and then get back to my AM walks on Tuesday. Hooray.

We went out to eat with Ryan and Yolanda last night, which was delightful. It was nice to be out leisurely with friends. We've been so busy with Blackbird stuff that we haven't really had time to just be with anybody in a while. And it was pretty easy to eat well too. I had a spicy black bean burger and a plain salad. It's nice to have so much support from friends. I also have to give props to Yolanda for her sweet Obama shirt. Obama 08, indeed.

So I don't mention it enough, but Dan is quite amazing, brilliant, and supportive. It's already been very exciting to work on Into the Pool with him and we're only in the preliminary stages. I also feel very good that we'll be at rehearsals together (with Ryan, Yolanda, and Holly too) because we'll be able to help each other eat healthy. I was already talking to Holly about how I plan on bringing fruit to all of the workshops so that there is a healthy snack for everybody and we've been talking about how we could meet before workshops to go for long walks or to get a healthy dinner. The cool thing is that the five of us could all meet to walk, or to dine, or whatever. We'll have to form some sort of theatre health club.

But back to Dan Jackson. I blog about him a lot on my semi private blog (that exactly 4 people read) and I figure that the majority of the people reading this right now have probably met him. But I have to give him props. No matter what crazy scheme I have in mind, he is always right there beside me. He walks in the park with me every time I'm not feeling the motivation. He cooks healthy meals for us, takes me out to healthy restaurants, and looks the other way when I sneak healthy food into the movie theatre. He keeps me in balance. If it wasn't for Dan, I would probably be out every night spending my money on scarves or alcohol. But he also is almost always willing to go do whatever ridiculous thing I *HAVE* to do on the weekends. And when he isn't in the mood, he never makes me feel guilty about going out without him. He's good to all my friends. In fact, he is going with me and friends next weekend to the Renegade Craft Fair to show support of our friend Holly. He's cool with living in Boystown and hanging out at gay bars. He loves Disney World and various other kitschy attractions. Hell, he is taking me to Disney World in October and has traveled to the Wisconsin Dells with me twice in the last year! Dan is just a very good guy. I feel really lucky. I like to think I keep him in balance, too. It's a good partnership.

I say this because I do feel very lucky to have such balance in my life while I'm in the midst of such a big lifestyle change. Because no matter what anyone says, the way you eat, exercise and choose to take care of your body is a HUGE part of your life every single day. For three and a half years with Damian I had absolutely no support whatsoever. He was a very apathetic person. And even though I'm sure he cared about him, he didn't really care about helping me. That really sucked. So I feel good that I can share and change with someone in my life. It feels good. Although I have to give props to all the other people who are helping me on the journey. You all know who you are. :) And as ridiculous as it is, I have to give props to my boss (who doesn't read this blog, I'm sure). At first it made me laugh that we were both doing weight watchers at the same time, but now it actually has become pretty helpful. It's nice to have another person in the office who is abstaining from the free food.

Have I mentioned that we actually held hands during a company party with cajun food? No joke. My boss grabbed my hand for support while we stared at all the greasy, sweaty food. We had an odd relationship. An odd, odd relationship.